Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Mezzetta vs. Best Friend

Ever known anyone with complete and utter stupidity? I do. Well, it's more of a second hand acquaintance. And no, chances are, it's not you. Though, pull something off that fits under my guidelines of complete-and-utter-stupidity, and I might just blog about those country singers who blab out the actual name of their ex's in their songs. I could do that, ya know. Anyway, I won't mention names here, but if you recognize the story being about're on the list. Congratulations. 

Idiot one, who we will name Mezzetta, which happens to be the brand name of "garlic stuffed olives" that are roughly 10$ for a small jar, which he eats everyday as part of his lunch even though he can barley afford a pot to pee in. (I won't lie, we have a jar in our fridge now because they are indeed ridiculously good.) I won't mention how we know Mezzetta, because my elusive and quite thrifty small-town readers could probably figure it out, but know that he is around my husband quite frequently. 

My husband came to the realization that he hates the word "huh". As in a way for someone to say "I already know this, but I want to prove it and need you to reassure me that I am right." 

Example one, which is not so idiotic to the untrained mind of Mezzetta, but it just so happens to be verbalized enough to drive someone NUTS.

Mezzetta: "I don't really like football. You're a football fan though, huh?"

After numerous conversations and in-depth explanation of favorite teams, players, etc... Brent replies

Brent: "...yes."

Did that even dignify an answer?
Probably not.

Example two: 

Mezzetta: "So you installed a doggie door huh?"

Let me point out that there had to be a previous conversation about this for him to even know this fun tid-bit to being with. 

Brent: "suuuure did."

Mezzetta: "So, they just go in and out of it?"

Ever seen Jeff Foxworthy's "Here's Your Sign"? ...Congrats Mezzetta, you just won yourself a sign.

Idiot Two, who I would like to name something more fitting, but censorship is still upon us. So for now I will call her "Best Friend". Best Friend and I have managed to run into each other on numerous occasions. First at a job interview for a Law Enforcement Dispatcher. She feels the need to let everyone know that she knows everything about everything and everyone. One of thooooose people. As if having an "in" with absolutely everyone on the Sheriffs Department, Fire Department, and EMS crew would help her. (If you consider an "in" being learning someone's name and pretending to be their life-long buddy.) No one likes a know-it-all, especially when you are indeed the one who knows-it-all and is being contradicted by Best Friend. Regardless, I didn't get the position due to lack of experience...totally understandable. Needless to say, she most definitely didn't get the job due to her mouth. Thank goodness, any and all interactions with Best Friend was done forever...or so I thought. I am now directly involved with her every Tuesday and Thursday for 3 hours a night.  I could undoubtedly go on with dialog upon dialogs with her unimaginable comments that escape the clutches of her mouth, but I'll summarize.

This is what I would have learned, had she been teaching the class.

Apparently TB isn't contagious at all. I mean...ever. Because she has a friend with TB, but she never contracted it.
     Jee thanks, expose the entire class to TB. But no worries..just because your friend didn't give it to you, we should now base all studies off of you and your friend.

She will be the guinea-pig for any and all class activities. Why? Because she already knows how to do it.
       No worries though, while being Velcro-ed to the spinal back-board, no one seemed to eager to unstrap her.

While learning ambulance procedures from the HEAD OF THE AMBULANCE DEPARTMENT, she was critiquing all students on their performances. 
      Sure, it's easy when you're the one sitting on the stretcher, since you just had to be the guinea-pig and not do the work. Good job, Best Friend.

Side note: not even Best Friend's own husband will sit by her. Now, that should say something.

Somehow, I think Mezzetta and Best Friend would do well together. She can tell him what to do, and he will get a life-time of reassurance  knowing he did it undoubtedly wrong.

Too bad Best Friend and Mezzette are already found their mates...and reproduced. 

I'm aware this is a quite demeaning post. It serves no purpose but to entertain and open your minds to the people we deal with in our day to day society. That being said...feel free to comment on your very own Mezzetta and Best Friend encounters. 

So here's to you Mezzetta and Best Friend. Thanks for being you. 


  1. ROFLMAO - You nailed "Best Friend"

    Chargers Fan

  2. LOL, thanks Elizabeth, I needed a laugh today...

  3. i love you. i miss you. if my phone wasnt broken, we could chat about this.

  4. Hahahahaha that was amazing!!!! lol. totally got best friend down! That made my whole day. I have to get Matt to read this!!! Thanks for the laughs!